learn to play the clarinet like Acker Bilk…..

or make some vegetable soup; it’s easier and it’s part of your 5 a day.

For those unfortunate to be born too late, go to the following link to catch up.

Anyway, courgettes and lettuce are in short supply (and therefore expensive), so go for what the great British climate provides – parsnips and carrots. Peel, chop them up and throw them in a pan, after frying some onion in butter for 10 mins. Pour in a litre or so of chicken stock and this is what you get – yummy or what?


Put it on low, have a coffee and forget about it for half an hour, unless you remember to stir it halfway through (optional).

If it looks mushy, then it’s probably cooked, so throw it in a liquidiser and build up the courage to taste it but expect it to taste worse than rubbish.. Empty the cupboards until you find the one with spices and keep adding them until it tastes OK. A tablespoon of Curry powder works great (trust me) or mixed spices etc. Oh and add salt and pepper or seasoning as the professionals call it.

If you’re lucky (or unlucky as you’ll have to eat it), it’ll turn out like this.


Add water until you get the consistency of fresh wallpaper paste and that’s it. Eat it, freeze it or give it to the dog; but don’t tell the RSPCA.

Throw some bits on the top if you want, like cream or chopped tomato, or croutons (bits of toast with the crust cut off) or anything green and edible like Parsley and it’ll be as good as starter from a posh restaurant. Serve it with hot crusty bread and I guarantee you’ll enjoy it.

But be prepared; after a few hours you’ll be playing “Stranger on the Shore”, like a pro.


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